This is What Tinnitus Sounds Like For Me
I get asked a lot what my tinnitus sounds like. I can kind of discribe it, but not exactly. It's a combination of sounds really. The most obvious sound is a high pitch in my right ear that's around 11800 mhz. But if you took out a tone generator app and played it that would only be part of the noise. The second part is like a buzzing sound that waves on and off at irregular intervals. The intervals are really short. Maybe only part of a second. It's as if the buzzing sound was a device and someone kept putting it wizzing it by your head. Sometimes it's right up against your ear and sometimes it's a few feet away from you. Or you know that buzzing sound you can get in a ring when you make a water glass sing by sliding your finger around the rim? That's it.
Some days it's souder than others. Typically I'll go a few weeks with out it really bothering me. It's not that I don't hear it, or that it becomes quieter, it's just that I'm able to ignore it better.
This year marks the end of the first full year since it went crazy. After about two weeks of it rining my nerves finally broke. I decended into anxiety attacks multple times a day and I quit working for nearly three weeks. I saw doctor after doctor and the only thing they said was, "You'll eventually get used to it" despite the fact I could find several people online who couldn't just get used to it.
But you know what? In a way I did I suppose. I think, when faced with severe adversity, your mind only has two choices. You either adapt, or you break. Breaking wasn't an option for me. My three kids and my wife depend on me and I'm not old enough to try and retire for it. Do I wish it hadn't happened? Of course. Is it going to keep me up at night sometimes? Yep. Is it going to cause me to just give up on life? No.
If you have Tinnitus, I'd love to hear how you deal with it and how long you've had it. Feel free to shoot me a message on Mastodon. You can find the link on my homepage patrickstewart.net.
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